Manners Matter!

Etiquette and Manners are included as part of Appearance Management personal image workshops. Good manners are invisible, subtle, silent and effortless and what is important is knowing what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.  It is about putting other people at ease, about being friendly and using them every day.

Instead of “Casual Friday” I think we should have ” Etiquette Friday.”

Points to think of:

1. Respect other people’s space, time, privacy and priorities.
2. Always return telephone calls, if necessary leave a message on voicemail. Speak slowly and clearly. How good is your voicemail message?
3. Where possible avoid loud rings or conversation on mobiles in public places.
4. Remember to be courteous to people at all times, including colleagues and visitors e.g. offer a drink, take a coat.
5. Keep your promises or at least go back and update people.
6. Introductions, general rule of thumb – juniors to seniors.
7. Table manners can ruin your image, make sure you look and act the part.

Why not pass this message on to your friends and colleagues and start “Etiquette Friday” this week as being polite is good for everyone.

Manners Matter!

As part of our personal image it is important not to let ourselves down with our manners whether we are with strangers, family or friends. Over the last decade manners in public appear to have deteriorated. There is a lack of consideration for others. Avoid letting go a door when exiting a shop, speaking loudly on your mobile, having your ipod loud when listening to music or eating food on public transport and certainly not strong smelling food.

Shaking Hands – the shaking of hands originally started when men wanted to show they were unarmed. Now for centuries they have been used when greeting people. It is important to do it properly. Whether you are shaking a man or woman’s hand you should be firm enough to leave a brief impression of bodily contact but not a bone-clenching or wet fish handshake.

Social Kissing – there is some debate whether this is appropriate as it is acceptable by many as a social gesture. However, it is not the same as shaking hands and it is advisable not to kiss on the first meeting plus ensure you feel confident the person doesn’t feel it is an intrusion. If you are likely to receive a social kiss and prefer not to, it is advisable to stand quite upright and at a distance. Generally, a man kisses a woman on the right cheek or if skilled can manage an air kiss.

“Ps and Qs” (please and thank you )- Remember your please and thank you when being served either in a restaurant or by a shop assistant.

Driving a car- it is amazing how even the politest of people can turn into a fiend once they are behind a wheel. Always be patient and courteous to other drivers. Treat them how you would like to be treated.

Public Transport - always let people off a bus, tube  or train before climbing on. Be a good citizen and stand when there is an elderly person, pregnant women or a disabled person.

Manners will take you where money won’t!

Having good manners is part of our Personal Image hence Business Etiquette is included in my speaking engagements and Appearance Management corporate workshops.
Etiquette is the rules of social behaviour, whilst manners are how we apply them. In the United Kingdom, Royal and State occasions are the most formal. They are organised by Buckingham Palace and guidance is always given to anyone invited.

Displaying good manners can be summarised simply as having respect for others as well as being considerate to other people.  Manners should be consistent, although as people travel more widely and we interface with numerous different cultures we need to be conscious of adapting these according to the people we are with, the environment and circumstances.

There are differences between social and business etiquette, e.g. in a business environment men and women must be given equal treatment; any distinctions are determined by rank and position. In a social context, on the other hand, women often find that men may show a level of attention like holding the door open or pulling out a chair.

Having good social skills enhances your personal and professional image and reputation. It can also give you the competitive edge and help you to stand out from the crowd. It strengthens relationships and with experience you will feel more comfortable as you develop personal poise and confidence. People like being with people they feel comfortable with and whose company they enjoy. Etiquette is about presenting yourself with the kind of polish that shows you can be taken seriously.

Good manners may not be commented on but bad manners will never be forgotten.

I will cover various subjects in future blogs for you to consider as good manners in business.

Another New Year is upon us, so  it is also a good time to adapt and gradually change a few habits. As an image consultant who speaks and runs workshops on Business Etiquette, I think Casual dress is either something suited to a business or it is not and “Casual Friday” is rather dated in the current economic environment. So why not start “Etiquette Friday” where you make a point of communicating pleasantries with your colleagues. A good start would be to always use your “Ps and Qs”; the amount of people that either use them occasionally or not at all is shocking.

Suggestions to take action for Etiquette Friday:

• Say “Good Morning” to someone in your company when first  meeting them whether walking through the office or whilst travelling in the lift.
• Have a coffee with someone you email regarding work and get to know the person.
• Smile as you walk around the office and say good morning or good-bye as you turn up or leave the office.
• Ensure you thank the person that opens a door for you or open the door for them.
• Thank people for delivering your coffee or making a sandwich when you pick them up and smile.
• Avoid making lots of loud phone conversations on public transport  that irritate other people.
• Walking in public, give up – eating on the move, ear pieces with  your iphone or iPod, talking loudly on your mobile which irrates other people you as pass as it ends up as you shouting in their ears as you pass them.
• Stop playing your iPod so loudly that the person next to you also has to listen to it.
• Don’t simply push past someone remember to say “Excuse me,  please” and then say “Thank you”.

Good manners are about being considerate to others and understanding the rules of etiquette and then applying them. We need to treat people as we wish to be treated.

Remember to give eye contact when speaking to others and “Give a smile away! A smile costs nothing but gives much. A smile creates happiness in the home and fosters goodwill in business and it is the sign of friendship”.

Buying presents for people at Christmas can be difficult and will they appreciate and like the present when they open it? I am often asked for advice, as an image consultant, I recommend you think what they would enjoy and like not you.

10 Tips to help you:

1. Always make a list with ideas and plan a budget
2. When shopping stay focused and keep as near as you can to your individual budgets, but allow for some extra in your total budget
3. Don’t feel pressured to spend a lot of money, or any money, because you feel people will expect you to. Only spend what you can afford
4. Always consider the likes and dislikes of the recipients
5. When you know the person well, you can give a slightly more personal gift
6. When purchasing clothes or accessories for someone else, always buy the item that represents the person’s personality and not yours.  Consider are they conservative, rather casual, very sporty, high fashion, rather dramatic or creative?
7. When buying for a parent or a grandparent consider updating their wardrobe (but to suit their personality) e.g. new season’s colour in a jumper, a stripe shirt, scarf, colourful socks or gloves
8. Considering giving money as a gift, then why not “wrap it” in a nice way
9. Love cooking; why not make a basket of special goodies you have made
10. Buy something related to their interests e.g. Men – do they love electronic gadgets, wallets, handyman tools, clothes, skincare or aftershave. Women – are they a lover of jewellery, plants, flowers, clothes, perfumes, cooking or sports stuff.

On the day remember it is the thought that counts. Remember your manners, and do write a thank you note for all the presents you receive and ensure, if you have children, that they do as well. It will encourage them not only to be polite but they may well become a future author by thinking about what to say.

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” Oscar Wilde

It’s the time of year when you socialise with your colleagues and an opportunity to show what you are like outside work. Make sure you have a positive impact with your colleagues and bosses. Have good manners, have a great appearance and enjoy  the event or at least look like you are! Show your sense of humour, be a good listener as well as talk, smile and be happy.

Manners: If you are talking a partner ensure you introduce them to your colleagues and find topics they may have in common so they can chat comfortably.  Allow your partner to feel part of the event, as it is good for everyone. Have good table manners and be polite at all times.

Appearance: Wear something fashionable (doesn’t need to be high fashion) to show you are modern but still be professional. It doesn’t need to be boring. First of all consider what type of event it is. Is it a full black tie event, fun party, dinner, dinner and disco or a lunch time event from work.

10 Tips for Women:

1. Avoid low cut and too short an outfit
2. Choose a style that compliments the best area of your body e.g. waist, legs, neck and chest
3. Cover the areas that are your weakest e.g.  tops of arms, waist, legs above the knee
4. Add interesting accessories to reflect your personality
5. Wearing  a simple black dress? Then add coloured tights , colourful scarf  or a simple pendant
6. Wear makeup that reflects your personality  e.g. sparkly, simple and elegant or dramatic and bold
7. Choose shoes that are comfortable and you can walk in
8. Hair – ensure it’s clean and refresh, wear it up, full or curly to suit your face. Test it out before the event
9. Nails – chose a polish to suit your outfit, wear a neutral or  French polish or give yourself  a simple neat manicure
10. Have a fresh breathe – clean teeth

7 Tips for Men:

1. Wear something different to the party that you don’t wear to the office
2. Try a new colour shirt, pattern shirt or fancy cardigan
3. Wear some cufflinks to reflect your personality
4. Wear different shoes to work e.g. oxblood, brown  loafers
5. Hair – ensure it is clean, neat and tidy. Adapt the style if possible
6. Be well groomed – clean nails and shoes
7. Have a fresh breathe

Enjoy the party, smile and have fun. However remember it is a work’s event so don’t over indulge  on the drink and food. You will have to face your colleagues again.  Remember others may have a camera!

There is a lot of talk in the news about the new book “Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital” by Dr Catherine Hakim. As a social scientist Dr Hakim believes that the most attractive with beauty, intelligence and potent charm are the most successful and have far fewer problems than the rest of us. I would disagree with some of this. You just have to look at our MPs, members of the Cabinet and Shadow Cabinet in the House of Commons and Prime Minister’s Question Time and see how attractive and charming they are.  Plus many famous film stars have big personal issues and deep down have low self-esteem. Dr Hakim thinks we all need to have a blend of beauty, sex appeal, liveliness, social skills, sexuality and skills of self-presentation, physical fitness and charm.

Many of Dr Catherine Hakim’s comments seem a bit feminist and quite controversial. However, I do believe that if we portray a good personal image we will look good, feel good and this in turn will help our confidence and self –esteem. Many stars are not naturally beautiful, but look very attractive as they have learnt to make the most of their beauty, social skills and charm. We mustn’t forget either that when magazines have done surveys asking people what they look for in a date or future partner a sense of humour is high on the list.

As an image consultant, who enjoys helping people make the most of their personal image, here are some suggestions for what you need to think about to make the most of yourself:

1. Learn to understand what styles of clothes compliment your shape.
2. Learn what your wardrobe personality types are. It will help you to understand what styles of clothes, fabrics and accessories makes you feel good as well as look good.
3. Wear colours of clothes that compliment your skin tone, eyes and hair, so you look healthy and glowing.
4. Always be well groomed.
5. Regularly sort, organise and plan your wardrobe to suit your lifestyle and the season.
6. Give yourself a budget for your clothes and plan what you need each season.
7. Ensure you have good social skills – good manners, communication skills.
8. Have Good Body Language – good posture, be friendly, approachable and smile!
9. Keep fit as possible and eat healthy.
10. Have a sense of humour, be enthusiastic and have fun. Life is too short not to enjoy it!

Basically, it comes down to making the most of what you’ve got, update yourself for your age and lifestyle, always be well groomed and regularly work on your social skills. Keep yourself fit and healthy as best you can. Finally, always be polite, considerate to your friends, colleagues and those you meet. You will then receive better service, people will like and trust you and therefore you will achieve more of what you want in life.

One of the areas I find, as an image consultant,  that client’s need help with is what to wear for a wedding.

There are several things you need to ask yourself:

1. Am I a key member of the guest list?(bride’s mother and want to stand out from the crowd)?
2. Do I need to ensure I do not clash with other members of the family? Bride’s mother or bridegroom’s mother, re photos – who shall I be standing next to.
3. What time of day is the wedding and will I need more than one outfit? Example: Day Reception and evening event, or one outfit as late afternoon to evening event.
4. What type of ceremony is the wedding? Invitations should give guidance – Morning or lounge suits, military, Scottish,   black tie, winter, summer, by the sea.
5. Does it have a theme e.g. religious, vintage, fun and unique, jazz?
6. Will  it be advisable to hire an outfit e.g. morning suit, black tie or evening dress?
7. What is my budget for my outfit and accessories?
8. Can I buy during the sales? Will it be the right time of year - too late or too early?
9. What type of outfit can I buy that I can possibly wear it or some of it in my lifestyle afterwards?
10. Do I need a hat?

Whatever type of outfit you decide it is important that you ensure the outfit fits you well (no bulges and wrinkles where they shouldn’t be) and that you feel great in it as well as look great. Otherwise you will feel uncomfortable and you will show this with your body language and not enjoy the day.

Look smart and dress appropriate making sure that you are not wearing extremely short outfit or a very low cleavage. Wear an outfit that suits the occasion and reflects your wardrobe personality in a stylish way.

If you need to wear a hat ensure it compliments your outfit e.g. a flowery or pattern outfit has a plain simple hat, a simple outfit will take a more flamboyant hat. The size should reflect your structure and the colour should be lighter than your shoes not the other way around. Otherwise you will look shorter.

Be polite, avoid getting drunk and boisterous. However, do enjoy the day and ensure you smile! It’s a happy event.

Finally, remember to write and thank the hosts.

I have heard several discussions on mobile etiquette at the table recently and how people find their use in public places rude and irritating whilst several others seem to think it is now part of life. As always there is no one right answer. A lot will depend on the company you are with e.g. their age, personality and what they expect. Plus whether it is a personal or business environment.

It is important to remember that etiquette is the rules of social behaviour that have evolved over centuries, whilst manners are how these rules are applied and over the years they have been relaxed and adapted to suit modern times. However, good manners are about being considerate to others and making them feel comfortable.

There are differences between social and business etiquette, but having good social skills enhances your reputation. In business it will sharpen your image and gives you the competitive edge and will stand you out from the crowd. Whether we are in business or a social environment people like being with people they feel comfortable with and whose company they enjoy.

Whoever we are with we mustn’t allow the convenience of a mobile become an excuse for rude interruptions when in conversation with people. If you are expecting an important call, inform the people you are with. Always try to take calls away from other people. Don’t discuss important business matters in a public place where other people can hear. When possible set your phone to buzz or vibrate in your pocket, rather than ring.

Good manners may not be commented on but bad manners never get forgotten.

It is not that long ago that mobile phones were not an issue at the table, but times have changed. However, it is not the done thing to use your phone at the table and to me the dining table remains a strictly mobile-free zone and unless something is absolutely urgent in which case you explain at the outset that you will have to take the call, and apologise in advance to your business or social friends or guests and explain the urgency. Put your mobile to silent or vibrate mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse. When it buzzes excuse yourself from the table and step outside.

Text messaging during a business meal is also unacceptable and is improper at a business meeting.

Mobiles are a means of assisting our communication and should not be a way of bringing it to an end or distrupting it. We can appear as though we aren’t able to communicate properly face to face  or we have more interesting people we wish to converse with.

Over the next few months many people from different companies will be entertaining at the various social season events. How many  employees will portray the image of their company’s brand and will their personal image fit in with the brand?

Dress  Codes for the “Social Season Events”

Different Race meetings have different dress codes, for more information on the correct Etiquette at the Races click here

Henley Royal Regatta  – Ladies wishing to enter the Stewards’ Enclosure must ensure their hemline is below the knee and trousers are not permitted. A hat is not obligatory but is encouraged. Avoid high heels shoes as they will sink into the grass. Men should wear lounge suits, or rowing blazers or jackets and trousers, a tie or cravat.

Lords Test Cricket – Jackets and ties are required in the Pavilion, smart casual in the Warner or Tavern stands and no fancy dress. A hat is advisable, on a hot sunny day as over a third of the seats are uncovered.

Wimbledon – Smart casual is required in the members’ areas (usually jackets/blazers and flannels for men and dresses or smart trousers for women). A hat is definitely advisable on a hot day and consider a cushion for sitting on. Although you can hire cushions or purchase one as a memorabilia.

Cartier International Day  – Smart casual and no jeans, trainers or sportswear, and gentlemen are requested to wear trousers, collared shirts and jackets in the restaurant.

Glastonbury and other festivals - Comfortable and practical and possible your wellies, as be prepared for all weather.