Etiquette & Manners

One of the areas I find, as an image consultant,  that client’s need help with is what to wear for a wedding.

There are several things you need to ask yourself:

1. Am I a key member of the guest list?(bride’s mother and want to stand out from the crowd)?
2. Do I need to ensure I do not clash with other members of the family? Bride’s mother or bridegroom’s mother, re photos – who shall I be standing next to.
3. What time of day is the wedding and will I need more than one outfit? Example: Day Reception and evening event, or one outfit as late afternoon to evening event.
4. What type of ceremony is the wedding? Invitations should give guidance – Morning or lounge suits, military, Scottish,   black tie, winter, summer, by the sea.
5. Does it have a theme e.g. religious, vintage, fun and unique, jazz?
6. Will  it be advisable to hire an outfit e.g. morning suit, black tie or evening dress?
7. What is my budget for my outfit and accessories?
8. Can I buy during the sales? Will it be the right time of year - too late or too early?
9. What type of outfit can I buy that I can possibly wear it or some of it in my lifestyle afterwards?
10. Do I need a hat?

Whatever type of outfit you decide it is important that you ensure the outfit fits you well (no bulges and wrinkles where they shouldn’t be) and that you feel great in it as well as look great. Otherwise you will feel uncomfortable and you will show this with your body language and not enjoy the day.

Look smart and dress appropriate making sure that you are not wearing extremely short outfit or a very low cleavage. Wear an outfit that suits the occasion and reflects your wardrobe personality in a stylish way.

If you need to wear a hat ensure it compliments your outfit e.g. a flowery or pattern outfit has a plain simple hat, a simple outfit will take a more flamboyant hat. The size should reflect your structure and the colour should be lighter than your shoes not the other way around. Otherwise you will look shorter.

Be polite, avoid getting drunk and boisterous. However, do enjoy the day and ensure you smile! It’s a happy event.

Finally, remember to write and thank the hosts.

I have heard several discussions on mobile etiquette at the table recently and how people find their use in public places rude and irritating whilst several others seem to think it is now part of life. As always there is no one right answer. A lot will depend on the company you are with e.g. their age, personality and what they expect. Plus whether it is a personal or business environment.

It is important to remember that etiquette is the rules of social behaviour that have evolved over centuries, whilst manners are how these rules are applied and over the years they have been relaxed and adapted to suit modern times. However, good manners are about being considerate to others and making them feel comfortable.

There are differences between social and business etiquette, but having good social skills enhances your reputation. In business it will sharpen your image and gives you the competitive edge and will stand you out from the crowd. Whether we are in business or a social environment people like being with people they feel comfortable with and whose company they enjoy.

Whoever we are with we mustn’t allow the convenience of a mobile become an excuse for rude interruptions when in conversation with people. If you are expecting an important call, inform the people you are with. Always try to take calls away from other people. Don’t discuss important business matters in a public place where other people can hear. When possible set your phone to buzz or vibrate in your pocket, rather than ring.

Good manners may not be commented on but bad manners never get forgotten.

It is not that long ago that mobile phones were not an issue at the table, but times have changed. However, it is not the done thing to use your phone at the table and to me the dining table remains a strictly mobile-free zone and unless something is absolutely urgent in which case you explain at the outset that you will have to take the call, and apologise in advance to your business or social friends or guests and explain the urgency. Put your mobile to silent or vibrate mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse. When it buzzes excuse yourself from the table and step outside.

Text messaging during a business meal is also unacceptable and is improper at a business meeting.

Mobiles are a means of assisting our communication and should not be a way of bringing it to an end or distrupting it. We can appear as though we aren’t able to communicate properly face to face  or we have more interesting people we wish to converse with.

Over the next few months many people from different companies will be entertaining at the various social season events. How many  employees will portray the image of their company’s brand and will their personal image fit in with the brand?

Dress  Codes for the “Social Season Events”

Different Race meetings have different dress codes, for more information on the correct Etiquette at the Races click here

Henley Royal Regatta  – Ladies wishing to enter the Stewards’ Enclosure must ensure their hemline is below the knee and trousers are not permitted. A hat is not obligatory but is encouraged. Avoid high heels shoes as they will sink into the grass. Men should wear lounge suits, or rowing blazers or jackets and trousers, a tie or cravat.

Lords Test Cricket – Jackets and ties are required in the Pavilion, smart casual in the Warner or Tavern stands and no fancy dress. A hat is advisable, on a hot sunny day as over a third of the seats are uncovered.

Wimbledon – Smart casual is required in the members’ areas (usually jackets/blazers and flannels for men and dresses or smart trousers for women). A hat is definitely advisable on a hot day and consider a cushion for sitting on. Although you can hire cushions or purchase one as a memorabilia.

Cartier International Day  – Smart casual and no jeans, trainers or sportswear, and gentlemen are requested to wear trousers, collared shirts and jackets in the restaurant.

Glastonbury and other festivals - Comfortable and practical and possible your wellies, as be prepared for all weather.

Business people regularly entertain clients at lunches, dinners and various social events. How many employees will portray the image of their company’s brand and will their personal image fit in with the brand? Having good social skills enhances your personal and professional image and reputation. It can also give you the edge and stand you out from the crowd.

Hosting

The fundamental role of a good host is to make sure your guests are comfortable, relaxed and enjoying themselves. Good etiquette creates an environment that allows everyone to feel at ease.

Dress code: As a host or guest it is always advisable to dress on the side of conservative sensibility: dress well and in good taste and observe any rules. As the host, advise your guests any rules, and provide guidance as to appropriate wear as what you may consider is smart may not be what your guests do and vice a versa. For example – Smart Casual e.g. Men – trousers, jacket and no tie, Women – dress, skirt or trousers and top but no jeans.

Host

The demeanour of the event will very much be lead by you as the host and is the ideal time to show your personality, but at the same time remember you will represent the brand of your company.

Tips:

1. Arrive approximately 30 minutes before your guests.
2. Planning – check that everything is organised and planned to your requirements.
3. Greet everyone with a firm, sincere handshake, a friendly smile and direct eye contact.Kissing on the cheeks should be avoided unless you are close friends, as many people find this uncomfortable..
4. Introductions – formally, you should introduce lower ranking individuals to higher ranking individuals and it is appropriate to include titles (e.g., Dr., Judge, etc.) and name prefix (e.g., Mr., Mrs. Ms.). If you are on first name terms and in a more relaxed atmosphere then you may prefer to use first names only.
5. Mingle – mingling amongst your guests is very important but can be nerve wracking. Try to find topics of interest you have in common or gain information of ones you don’t e.g.  your guest may well be a keen rower, and understand the rules more than you. Remember, always smile and look happy to your guests.
6. Relax and smile – be relaxed otherwise your guests will not relax. Make every effort to show you are enjoying yourself but remember you are there to ensure your guests enjoy themselves.
7. Partner – when partners are included ensure your partner introduces her or himself and uses the same tips.

If you are new at corporate entertaining, remember it gets easier with practise. Observe good hosts when you are entertained.

If in another country or in unfamiliar territory it is best to do some research. Key is to be relaxed and ensure your guests enjoy the event.

Guest

Tips:

1. Be on time – Don’t arrive too early or be late, arrive within 10 – 15 minutes of the time given.
2. Conversation – Listen and avoid interruptions, contribute to conversation and pick topics that involve everyone.
3. Compliments – give and take compliments gracefully.
4. Drink – wait to be offered a drink and don’t over indulge on alcohol.
5. Meal – wait for all guests to receive their food and the host starts their meal.
6. Thank you – email or text if that is your usual way of corresponding but strictly speaking I always think it is best to write a letter of thanks. You will always be remembered and you show your full appreciation.

Good manners are SINCERE – sociable, invisible, natural, caring, effortless, respectful, earnest

Good manners are about knowing what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

When you are polite and respectful and put people at ease, as a matter of course and with no fuss, people feel comfortable in your company. Practice makes perfect and the confidence that comes with strong social skills allows you to stand apart from the crowd and quickly build successful and professional relationships. Good manners are not for special events but should be used every day.

Points to think of:

1. Respect other people’s space, time, privacy and priorities.
2. Messages or voicemail – always return telephone calls, if necessary leave a message on voicemail. Speak slowly and clearly. How good is your voicemail message?
3. Mobiles – where possible avoid loud rings/conversation on mobiles in public places.
4. Remember to be courteous to people at all times, including colleagues and visitors e.g. offer a drink, take a coat.
5. Deliver on your promises or at least go back and update people.
6. Introductions, general rule of thumb – juniors to seniors.
7. Table manners can ruin your image; make sure you look and act the part.
8. Invitations - always reply to an invitation and following the event send a letter of thanks is remembered more than an email.
9. Email etiquette – keep to same standards as face to face. Correct spelling, punctuation and grammar and be professional at all times.
10. Meeting manners - you reveal a lot about yourself and your potential in a meeting. It is an ideal time to demonstrate your ability to interact with others. Thank the Chair before you leave. Ask questions when you require clarification.

The Royal Wedding was an excellent example of good grace, manners and etiquette and certainly mobile phones were not permitted in Westminster Abbey. Hopefully, we call all learn from these events.

As an image consultant I am often asked what should people wear for an interview. Well there is no one answer but the following tips may help you to decide.

So what should you consider?

1. It depends on both your industry and the position level you seek. Is the company traditional, creative or are you applying for a management role or manual work
2. Dress better than you would for the job
3. Ensure your clothes fit you well
4. Keep colours fairly neutral but add some colour either in shirt and tie or jewellery for a woman, but nothing that stands out too much
5. Ensure you are well groomed e.g. clean shoes, nails, hair, no creases in your clothes
6. Call the company or stand outside when people go or leave work and check out their attire. Alternatively phone reception and ask them about the dress code.
7. Keep it classic for a classic company, and up to date fashion for a fashion job
8. Dress modern, avoid wearing clothes that you have had for years. It will age you.
9. Don’t wear the same thing if you go back for a second interview (at least change the shirt and tie or top)
10. Ensure you feel comfortable in the clothes and that they reflect your personality

A prospective employer is looking for an employee who looks as least as good in person as they do on their CV. They want someone who looks like they will fit in with the company and its brand.

Walk in with confidence and remember to:

1. Turn up on time
2. Stand up straight, shoulders back
3. Smile
4. Give a good handshake
5. Give regular eye contact
6. Show you are listening
7. Loosen up your shoulders, sit upright in the chair and relax!
8. Be polite
9. Have some questions ready to ask and answer
10. Thank the interviewer for seeing you

For an image consultation please call or email Appearance Management

With the Christmas Holiday season coming up it is often the time we meet our partner’s parents for the first time. When going to meet them it can be daunting and you can feel very nervous. All families have their own style, habits and some can be good or bad but none of us are perfect. Some of us are more affluent, better educated, had better opportunities in life, but the one thing we can all be is polite, respectful and friendly. Instead of treating it as something to worry about, think of it in a positive way on how you will see and learn how another family lives, and how great it will be to meet your partner’s parents and learn more about them.

Appearance Management suggestions on what to consider:

1. Wear an outfit you feel comfortable in and represents your personality but not too outlandish, nothing too low cut or too short.  Something simple, tasteful and appropriate for the event e.g. going to a restaurant, visiting their home
2. Be on time – bad manners to be late and disrespectful
3. Address the parents as “Mr” and “Mrs” until they say otherwise.
4. Handshake or hug according to what the parents do, follow them.
5. Take a Gift – flowers, chocolates, plant or wine if suited and they drink
6. Use your Ps and Qs- remember to say please and thank you
7. Body Language – head up, shoulders back, sit upright in chair – look confident and smile!
8. Offer to Help – be useful, wash up, carry food to the table, and help to make the food if necessary. Ask if not sure what to do; all families have their own ways especially the Mum if she is the cook, housekeeper.
9. Compliment where appropriate – like something in the meal, dessert, drink, item in the home

10.     Be Prepared with Answers to Questions

11. Make conversation find out from your partner what they do, like, find some common interest – have they been on holiday, booked their holiday, like sport, watch on TV.

12. Be attentive to your partner but avoid PDA (public display of affection), especially on your first meeting, parents may feel awkward and uncomfortable

13. Follow your partner’s lead, watch if they are more relaxed or more formal than your family

14. Enjoy the day and show you are

15. Write a letter of thank you

The key thing is to be polite, respectful, and friendly and leave them with a good impression that you are a nice person.

Don’t

1. Be too quiet or too talkative or noisy
2. Avoid controversy, be positive, don’t complain about people and things in work or school
3. Talk about politics or religion , especially if you know they have different views or beliefs to you
4. Get drunk
5. Swear or use inappropriate language
6. Help yourself to a drink or food from the fridge or cupboard just because your partner does, wait to be offered
7. Look for all the attention

Enjoy and have fun!

Office parties, lunches or dinners, are a  great opportunity to socialise and to have the chance to get to know your colleagues and bosses on a more personal basis  and promote your personal image. However, it can also be the time when you can blow your reputation by misbehaving.  Bad behaviour can affect your relationships with your colleagues and your promotional prospects with your bosses.

What to consider:

Have a good appearance, choose something that compliments you and your wardrobe personality,  but remember you are still with your office people, so be polite and courteous to everyone.

10 Don’ts

1. Wear inappropriate outfits – too revealing, old out of date party outfits, badly fitted items
2. Be too early or too late
3. Over indulge in alcohol
4. Overeat and find you are ill
5. Tittle-tattle about your bosses or colleagues
6. Become too familiar with your bosses or colleagues and then be embarrassed afterwards or embarrass them
7. Spend time on your mobile
8. Use the camera at inappropriate scenes
9. The last to leave unless in a group
10. Be rude – be courteous and do not interrupt or talk too much. Never talk down to people

7  Table Manners Reminders

1. Sit upright at the table
2. Your drink is on the right and bread plate is on the left
3. Use cutlery from outside in
4. Offer to pass items to people either side of you
5. Do not stretch over people
6. Do not eat too quickly or loudly
7. Don’t talk with your mouth full

Always thank the organiser and host, they will apprecaite it as they put a lot of effort into organising the event.

The world is getting smaller; competition is getting stronger for obtaining jobs and doing business. We need to ensure we have every advantage when selling ourselves to people. It is, therefore, important for children to learn manners and social skills from an early age, so that they will be ready for interviews for university, jobs and generally knowing how to meet, greet or entertain customers and clients.

So often I have heard or seen how a person has lost out on a job, a promotion or socially due to their lack of confidence in mixing and mingling, knowing how to behave and having good manners at the table.

Wardrobe

 So many clothes brands are setting up kids departments and parents are buying clothes often for the kids before themselves as they find it easier to spoil them. The best approach is to teach children how to organise and plan their wardrobe on a budget, so that they have clothes they enjoy wearing and yet know how to wear them in different ways and feel great in them. No doubt if you have two or more children you will notice they often want different clothes, due to having different personalities. But be careful – spoiling them with lots of clothes will only encourage them to have too many clothes in the future, with obvious financial consequences!

Shopping

When your child wants to purchase an item, have them go to the counter to pay for it and teach them to check the change and to thank the assistant and smile. This will encourage them to engage with strangers and to be confident and polite.

Manners

 For children to be successful in life, they need to have good social skills as well as academic skills. If you help young children to learn how to be polite and caring, they will continue to use good manners and become more socially aware as they get older.

 Your kids may not appreciate this advice at the time, but it is one of those things that they will thank you for later in life. The sooner you teach your children, the easier it will be for them as they get older. Good manners do not come by themselves, they need to be taught.

Parents should always remember that the best way to teach manners is to lead by example, although they must also allow the child time to learn. Action speaks louder than words.

Here are some ideas and suggestions that may help you to prepare your children:

 1.    PS AND Qs

 Children should be taught to say please and thank you in all situations. It shows respect and appreciation. Teach them to say “please” when asking for something and make sure they also say “thank you”.

 2.   Introductions

Teaching children how to introduce themselves can be a very useful social skill and will help them when meeting new friends e.g. “Hello, I am James and what is your name?” I would encourage you to introduce your children to friends when they meet them, particularly and teach them what to say in response e.g. “Hello, it is good to meet you”. On certain occasions let them shake hands when you do and include girls as well as boys. Getting comfortable meeting new people will help them for when they go away to university and/or when they start work, as they will find it natural to open conversation with people and they will appear more courteous and respectful. People like polite and courteous people even if they don’t comment at the time.

3.    Letter Writing

 Thank-you letters seem a thing of the past and yet the person that receives a handwritten note always remembers it in a very positive way. Encourage your children to send postcards to grandparents, relatives or friends instead of sending emails and texts.

 4.    Telephone Etiquette for Children

Encourage your children from an early age to answer the phone politely. Practising with a toy phone or an unplugged phone can help, playing both roles of answering the phone and phoning the person. It is a good idea to show them how to leave a message on an answer phone and not to phone people like their grandparents at unsocial times. Good manners go a long way in telephone etiquette and give the child confidence with people.

 5.    Dining Manners

 Sitting down together as a family for a meal is important for both children and adults and no mobile phones is a great rule. Families who share their meals together tend to be more attentive and interested in each other. It is also the perfect time to teach the children table manners. Encourage them to help you lay the table as this will teach them what goes where.

Many children (and adults) eat too quickly which is bad for their digestion as well as bad mannered. Teach your children to eat slowly and if they are very young play a game of how many times to chew the meat, vegetables or fruit.

Children should stay at the table until excused. Create a rule for how to leave the table. For example they can say “Thank you for my meal, I enjoyed it. May I be excused, please?” You may also want to teach them to carry their own plate and cup to the kitchen sink or even load it in the dishwasher. It will help them to create a habit of being tidy. Advising them that elbows on the table, making rude noises when eating or wearing hats at meals are not allowed are all good at helping them to achieve good table manners.

6.    Eating out in Restaurants

It is good to encourage eating out with your children so that they become accustomed to being waited upon. However they need to understand that meals can take longer to arrive and that they will be served at the table by someone strange. Remembering their “Please” and “Thank You” will go a long way with the waiting staff.

7.    Social Skills

Not all children find it easy to make new friends yet encouraging them whilst they are young will help them in later life. These skills will give them confidence when dining with strangers and generally mixing with new people. You never know – it may refresh and improve your own manners at the same time!

 8.    Art of Conversation 

It is important for all the family to make conversation and also an important rule for children to learn to listen to what others have to say and to wait their turn to talk. They will find it will help to broaden their interests and it can be fun to talk to them about subjects you would like them to know more about. Dinner time is the ideal time to talk about what happened during the day.

9.    Respect Different Styles and Cultures

When people do things differently from your family whether it is due to having a different style, religion or culture then encourage your children to embrace it and appreciate the difference and to respect it and show them how interesting it can be.

10. The Golden Rule

It might seem like common sense, but it’s worth repeating to your child: treat others as you would like them to treat you. If you don’t want someone to be mean to you, don’t be mean to them. If you want people to say nice things about you, say nice things about them.

Any suggestions or comments for helping children please

Email:  angela@appearancemananagement.co.uk

When people go for an interview they are expected to look their best and yet so often people forget about their image, particularly how to be well groomed. Our grooming and clothes need to  represent us in a positive way.

Image Breakers

1.  Dirty and poorly manicured nails.
2. Poor hygiene
3. Dull or dry skin.
4. Dirty or bad teeth, bad breathe.
5. Greasy or lank hair.
6. Clothes creased or in disrepair.
7. Badly fitted clothes
8. Dirty marks on clothes.
9. Dated appearance.
10. Incorrect underwear e.g. visible pants line.
11. Pen in top pocket.
12. Scruffy briefcase or knapsack
13. Cheap plastic pen.
14. Scuffed or unpolished shoes.
15. Looking stern, miserable or disinterested

Contact Appearance Management for further information on how to have a good personal image.